Sunday, September 19, 2010

"All is worthwhile if the soul is not small"

At 6:00 in the morning everything seems to have a different dimension...
I've been up since 4:00 am.
I still keep waking up to different weird unusual things...
Since J's passing it has been like that.
Please don't misunderstand...
I'm fine, and I do realize that missing him this much
can do that to your subconscious mind.

But somehow it's very comforting to me.
It started that week of August 17th... static...
and static and static on the phones...
...till they died.
Unusual sounds in the house,
smoke detectors will go on for no reason and won't stop
(I had to remove them).
This night it was a phone ringing, just the ringing sound,
the phone was not actually ringing.
And the butterflies.
Everyday I see all these wonderful butterflies
just fluttering around.
After my mom passed,
I kept awaking up to the sound of her voice and the words Lena, get up!
The words of the Portuguese most famous and wonderful poet
keep popping in my mind
"all is worthwhile if the soul is not small"
(tudo vale a pena quando a alma nao e pequena).
Time is very strange... 
... in one hand it seems like
I'm still inside a long nightmare struggling to wake up,
but on the other hand it seems like everything happened a long time ago...
and it has been only 32 days since it happened.

My niece has been staying with me since Friday night.
Like usual we did lots of things...
... a little sewing,
a little cooking, a little manicure,
a little napping while watching movies on TV...
... projects for Halloween costume
(this year she wants to be a vampire princess,
so we tried some of my dresses, projected a cape out of
a velvet material I had from years and years ago),
and sewn a few small prizes for her future scavenger hunt
she has been planning.
This is the pic of the tiara she sewn for her costume...

Do you remember Mr. Yellow Bunny I had made for my sister-in-law...?,
I had promised I would show you the pic
when she had it on the bench...?, well, here it is.
 The saying is very cute and its purpose
is to function like a time out bench,
but a well pleasant time out...don't you think?

The week has been busy,
I still have so many things to deal with,
and of course I still have to pursue finding a job
until I can (hopefully) go back to my career as a special ed teacher.
I think this may explain the reason of this time distortion to me...
... my days used to be very routine like... taking care of J
was a very methodical and regular task,
everything circled towards his care
and now it seems I have all this time on my hands!

The shop has taken some of all this time out my hands,
setting it up, making things to sell, promoting it,
takes quite a bit of it
but still...
... sometimes the emptiness just kind installs itself without a warning...
Oh well...
I've made 3 more sets of quilted coasters for the shop.

I like them a lot and they look quite good I think.

And about my last post... about what happened
 I checked it out yesterday again and of course
she hadn't post my comment but she did rectify it, linking it to my blog,
as you can see by the pic bellow.
Anyhow... at least she did rectify it.
But I also noticed by her last post
she had been somehow punished by Google,
it seems she could not publish graphics and images...
I've also noticed I was not the only one
she was not giving credits or linking to...
... and for sure I should not have been the only one aggravated by that.

And that's it for today.
My niece is still sleeping
and shortly I'll have to go get her up and get her ready for church.
Until my next post, I'll see you then.

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