"All is worthwhile if the soul is not small"

At 6:00 in the morning everything seems to have a different dimension...

I've been up since 4:00 am.

I still keep waking up to different weird unusual things...

Since J's passing it has been like that.

Please don't misunderstand...

I'm fine, and I do realize that missing him this much

can do that to your subconscious mind.

But somehow it's very comforting to me.

It started that week of August 17th... static...

and static and static on the phones...

...till they died.

Unusual sounds in the house,

smoke detectors will go on for no reason and won't stop

(I had to remove them).

This night it was a phone ringing, just the ringing sound,

the phone was not actually ringing.

And the butterflies.

Everyday I see all these wonderful butterflies

just fluttering around.

After my mom passed,

I kept awaking up to the sound of her voice and the words Lena, get up!

The words of the Portuguese most famous and wonderful poet

Fernando Pessoa

keep popping in my mind

"all is worthwhile if the soul is not small"

(tudo vale a pena quando a alma nao e pequena).

Time is very strange... 

... in one hand it seems like

I'm still inside a long nightmare struggling to wake up,

but on the other hand it seems like everything happened a long time ago...

and it has been only 32 days since it happened.

My niece has been staying with me since Friday night.

Like usual we did lots of things...

... a little sewing,

a little cooking, a little manicure,

a little napping while watching movies on TV...

... projects for Halloween costume

(this year she wants to be a vampire princess,

so we tried some of my dresses, projected a cape out of

a velvet material I had from years and years ago),

and sewn a few small prizes for her future scavenger hunt

she has been planning.

This is the pic of the tiara she sewn for her costume...

Do you remember Mr. Yellow Bunny I had made for my sister-in-law...?,

I had promised I would show you the pic

when she had it on the bench...?, well, here it is.

 The saying is very cute and its purpose

is to function like a time out bench,

but a well pleasant time out...don't you think?

The week has been busy,

I still have so many things to deal with,

and of course I still have to pursue finding a job

until I can (hopefully) go back to my career as a special ed teacher.

I think this may explain the reason of this time distortion to me...

... my days used to be very routine like... taking care of J

was a very methodical and regular task,

everything circled towards his care

and now it seems I have all this time on my hands!

The shop has taken some of all this time out my hands,

setting it up, making things to sell, promoting it,

takes quite a bit of it

but still...

... sometimes the emptiness just kind installs itself without a warning...

Oh well...

I've made 3 more sets of quilted coasters for the shop.

I like them a lot and they look quite good I think.

And about my last post... about what happened

with my floppy disk treasure box tutorial,

 I checked it out yesterday again and of course

she hadn't post my comment but she did rectify it, linking it to my blog,

as you can see by the pic bellow.

Anyhow... at least she did rectify it.

But I also noticed by her last post

she had been somehow punished by Google,

it seems she could not publish graphics and images...

I've also noticed I was not the only one

she was not giving credits or linking to...

... and for sure I should not have been the only one aggravated by that.

And that's it for today.

My niece is still sleeping

and shortly I'll have to go get her up and get her ready for church.

Until my next post, I'll see you then.

My little magic women...or... I would if I could!

As I've said before I like to make things

and some times
the reasons for making whatever I make
are not really very clear or concise

except for the fact I need to be busy and I like pretty things.

In another words,

it gives me a reason to go by my day-by-day,

gives me positive karma

and doesn't leave me much free time

to think about what should not be thought about.

You know... I remember watching that series Bewitched

when I was just a 8 or 10 year old

and remember thinking

how great it would be if I could make thinks happen

(or not)

just by twitching my nose.

Thinking about it now

makes me realize that maybe this is the reason

I always try to make things better

(as I would if I could really be magical).

Anyway...

all this talking about improving things

or change them for the better

is what I'd like to talk about today.

About the little magic I try to have in my life everyday.

About some of the stuff that I make which has no other purpose rather

than being pretty and a little bit magical.

My walls are covered with this little things I make

that make me feel pretty special and happy about it.

Like this fairies/angels/goddesses.

I made them from felt and some embellishments (like needle felting, beads, yarn, and so on).

They hang on our bedroom walls and I know they watch over us.

They are my little magic women...

Also these strings of beads and tiny fabric pillows,

embellished

with buttons and metallic trims.

It's almost like they're charged with a tremendous amount of positive energy.

They always make me feel good just by looking at them.

The same philosophy, the same principle,

the string of hearts,

embellished with buttons, some embroidery and beads,

they also hang on the wall and fill us with daily good positive energy.

In our house,

one can always find,

hiding everywhere and all over the place,

little critters and wee creatures

that just sneak on you

and make you feel like you are worth a million bucks!

Things have been a little busy around here

Things have been a little busy around here and aren't still quite alright.

We are back home since last Thursday,

after a week in the hospital with J.

We are finally home.

Unfortunately, since in a while he has to be hospitalized.

He seems to be doing a little bit better now

but it is always very rough on him to stay at the hospital.

Of course I'm always with him, I stay day and night

(thank goodness for those chairs that lay down and make a bed!)

but I also feel the effects of being away from home.

This is Lemur.I got it for J while in the hospital. It cheered us both up!

It has always been only the two of us alone but I'm okay with that.

Anyways...

I usually meet neat people (patient families) while I'm in there.

We try to support each other

and this time I met a very curious character

which caught my attention since I first saw him.

Remember Georges Moustaki?,

now think about the song Le Métèque

(juif errant, prêtre grecque, avec mes cheveux aux quatre vents...),

and that's him!

About late 50's early 60's, very tall and thin,

long long gray beard and gray hair tied in a long pony tail.

I am describing him just so you understand why I tought of Moustaki
and the surprise I felt

when he told me about his wife

(in a serious condition, she had undergone brain surgery).
He said he had told her if you see the light just go toward it, you go!

So I asked him
why did you tell her such a thing?
(I would have told her to fight and not to go) and he said:

Because we don't belong in here, we belong in heaven and this in here is hell!

Definitely not what my beloved Moustaki would have said!

But again... what do I know... I don't know why I always have grand expectations from people I really don't know.

But don't get me wrong... he was a very nice person

and I wish his wife a total recovery.

Also met a mother and a sister
whose son and brother

had brain injury (like my husband) since earlier this year.

We all knew the same institutions, the same medical staff and had the same grand questions...

It was really nice to talk to them

and I could tell they felt the same.

Mostly, we all feel outraged with the lack of structures and specific support for brain injuries (severe brain injury in both our loved ones).

In their case he has been in a institution since the accident happened
and been having some serious health problems
(lack of hygiene, pressure ulcers and so on...).

When we meet someone that has been going trough the same you have...
it really feels good just to share.

I wish them all the best!

And that would be it for hospital talk.

The cats were very happy to have us back!...

The poor things!... no dry food for all this time, but I'm pretty sure they ate...

yeah, the poor birds come for dinner in the garden... and the cats join them for sure!... :0(

Of course the one I missed the most was Baby.

He's bigger now and likes to fight me!... :0)

Before all this events I had been working on a new quilt for the wheel chair.

I got the idea for this quilt from Geta´s Quilting Studio @
http://cadouri-din-inima.blogspot.com/2009/04/quick-and-easy-quilt-tutorial.html

(thanks for the easy tutorial!)

and then I altered it a little bit.

Like I said it's a small quilt for the wheel chair and

I've applique a flower in each square.

I've also finishd two raggedy bags,

but this time I made the handles differently.

I used some eyelets and cotton cord.

I like the way they look.

They are smaller than my usual ones

(I've used 4 x 4 squares) and probably they will make some Xmas gifts!

Adding to the Xmas gifts and while at the hospital

I made a few more little pouchs,

the tunisian crochet ones.

One of the staff members told me: They look so good just like store bought!

And that was quite a compliment! :0)

Tunisian crochet... and cold turkey!

Let me tell you today about me being a quitter... :0)...

Back in early April this year

I've decided to quit cold turkey

(everything else I've tried before had failed).

Gosh!!

It ain't easy!!!!!

Thirty five years of addition are not easily turned off...!!!

But again, life is about choices.

And that was the moment I felt I had to choose:

do it, or else...

or else ... meaning I have not only myself

but my husband to consider

(he totally depends on my survival for his own survival, no kidding).

And that is when I went into the survival mode I told you about a few days ago!

It wasn't easy and it still isn't easy... but ...

it feels soooooooooooo... good!!

I can do now lots of things I wasn't able to do before

(and I had not realize I couldn't!... amazing, isn't it?!).

Anyway... how does the Tunisian crochet fit in all this quitting talking.....?

Ah!.........

....... that was one my strategies to succeed:

the determination

to learn and/or to make a new pretty thing every day!

And so...

I love to crochet!

For sure!

Have made lots & lots of blankets!...:0)

Early mornings

(I would wake up really early, the cigarette cravings killing me)

I would sit at the computer,

watch YouTube tutorials

(I gotta say this: I love all those wonderful ladies

for sharing their knowledge and helping me out!)

and learn everything I could about Tunisian Crochet!

I'm not going to describe the technique here,

if someone wants to learn how to

it's really easy to find about it on the net,

but I will tell you it is a crochet technique

made will a special hook

(it's just like a crochet hook but much longer)

and the way you work it looks like knitting

but

it's in fact crochet!... :0)

Now... once again... if I want to master it

(and believe it, I already do...:0)...)

I have to practice a LOT... and so I did...

The pics do tell the rest of the story!

**** By the way: it has been 4 months & 15 days and no smoking... :0) *****